Getting Really Real....

As I sit here in the hospital for the second day with Sawyer after a terrible hockey injury ( he will be fine) I began thinking about why I have not blogged and how crazy our journey in life can turn.

I really think I have not blogged out of fear. Fear that my posts are annoying, or irrelevant. We all have insecurities it's just hard to put it out there.

I was on my way to Boston to a retirement party for friends who are family when I recieved a call from Sawyer saying he got hit in his game and his stomach hurt. My first thought was, it is always something, he complains after every game. I was quick to dismiss him and selfishly hoping it was nothing. I got my nails done, a new dress and was excited to have a fun night. We continued to drive and about 10 minutes later called him back to check in and a hockey mom (and friend) answered and told me they were taking him to the emergency room. I actually asked if I should turn around.....

We did turn around and thank goodness. I am still feeling guilty that I even asked. We all have moments of selfishness and I am realizing it is ok. What went from excitement of having a night out quickly went to the reality that my child was severely hurt and we are so lucky as it could have been a real tragedy.

Thankful is an understatement. As I get older I realize the true meaning of support we give each other. The hockey mom, a woman I grew up with whom I see at games but not on a regular basis, saved my child's life. I have been really down lately as I have lost touch and felt very disconnected from friends from the past. The truth is everyone is busy in their own lives. We tend to create stories in our head that we are forgotten or we did something wrong. I now truly understand that when push comes to shove we all would be there to support one another.

the unexpected should always be expected..Day #1 Belize

Laughter is all I needed to hear....The first day of my first retreat didn't quite go as expected. Our flight from Miami to Belize was stuck on the runway for an hour and then unable to land in Belize because of rain (really rain?! not in the plan). Stress...not all of the girls were on the same flight and we were all supposed to take a commuter flight to the island. Now we were landing in Cozumel and refueling. Not the plan. A very long day nonetheless but finally we arrived at the resort. I needed to take my own advice and breathe. And then the laughter....the sound of these women I brought together, bonding. It was all I wanted and needed. I planned this trip , this retreat to help women find a supportive space to breathe and be. And we were here.

The road is not always paved and the journey is often rocky. I know that sounds so cheesy and cliche but it is so true. I had put so much time into planning this first retreat. The travel day could have paralyzed me, and I almost let it. What I realized is I created so much unnecessary drama for myself! I projected the worst, that everyone was frustrated, disappointed..

but then the laughter.....nothing is ever what it seems....

A Great Time to Reflect

It has been a while since I last blogged and I wish I had written more.often. We are all doing our best is a motto I share and realize I need to apply it to myself as well. This past weekend I celebrated the Jewish New Year with my family ( minus my two big boys who are in Oklahoma, not many Jews there :-)). I was not that excited about going to synagogue. I didn't want to get dressed up and feel like everyone else looked better and tried to hide behind I'm a good person so why do I need to go. The truth is everyone goes for their own special reasons and it is not a fashion show. I went with my family because that is a way to honor who I am. I was reminded its always a good time to reflect and reset.

I have received many messages over the past year thanking me for my candidness as a reminder that looking at others lives from the outside are not always what they seem. I could have won an Oscar for my incredible performance as a happy wife and perfect family before my divorce. I have terrible anxiety that has crippled me in the past but I have not let anyone see the struggle. We all struggle. Life can be very difficult at times and thats when we have to remember to breath. We are all just trying to figure it out. We make good decisions and really poor ones too. Its ok! Often times we judge others as a defense mechanism. The truth is we need to reflect inwards instead of making judgements. We all have the ability to change and to set goals.

Stop scrolling social media with envy ( I am extremely guilty ) of some perfect life because there is no perfect life. Nobody posts the bad times. Look ahead and set a reasonable goal for yourself and try. Trying will not kill you and failure makes you stronger. Do something different, join a group you would not normally join. Have lunch with an acquaintance. Take a chance. Don't you owe yourself that?